How To Turn Enemies Into Friends
June 25, 2010 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
If there is someone you know or work with that you just cannot stand the sight of, how can you change your negative perception on that person? How do you turn back time on someone you never liked in the first meeting?
Firstly, let us address why it is important not to think ill of someone no matter how horrible or annoying they are to you.
For starters, because it is not healthy! Not for that person but for YOU! It is unhealthy to let negativity grow in you. Those bad thoughts will cause you undue stress.
Secondly, that person may have really good qualities in them, but because you have planted that seed of dislike, the longer you don’t weed it out, the deeper the roots will grow. So even if that person does something nice, there is no way you will be able to see it because you would have already been blinded by deep rooted dislike.
Take it as a personal growth test to like someone you already dislike. We could all choose to be critical or we could choose to be benevolent.
Here are some steps to liking the unlikeable:
Don’t nitpick
Nitpicking on trivial matters like the way they match their clothes or the way they chew is just not worth your time. You can be amazed at how much energy nitpicking can take away from you. Before you even think about something bad, stop yourself. Tell yourself that you are the bigger person here and that trivial things are not going to ruin your day because they are not worth it.
See good
Start by seeing something good in that person. Go slow. It may be tough at first but it will get easier. Even if that person looks like a crow, think of something nice. Give that person a scan (when they are not looking of course) and see if you can find something you might get to like about that person. Perhaps it is the way their eyes turn to slits when they smile. Or how they always wear the funkiest earrings. Once the first step gets easier, move on to something deeper like how quick they complete each project. Or how they are actually great with kids. By seeing good in people, you turn negative vibes into positive energy.
Turn things around
Instead of being critical and judgmental, try the opposite. For instance, Joan is a stuck-up at work. You can choose to see her that way or you could choose to see Joan as being very professional at her job. You can choose to see Steve as a pushover and a weakling with no bones in him, or you could see him as a really nice man that just needs to meet nicer people. Or see Sam as brilliant and passionate rather than obsessed and problematic. There are many ways to turn things around and start seeing the light in people. Again, start on something small.
Empathize
Put yourself in that person’s shoes. A little empathy can sometimes go a long way. Someone you know talks too much and you are beginning to hate the sound of her/his voice? Try and see what life is like for them. Maybe they cannot share their stories at home, maybe they feel the need to be part of the group, maybe they have low self-esteem. If someone is constantly sarcastic, maybe he/she’s got personal growth issues or maybe they are going through a rough time, or unlike you, they have never been taught how to communicate. Yes, you are making assumptions about their life, and yes, these assumptions are probably not true, but it will ease your annoyance and you will find it easier to get along with that person. While some may call it making excuses for the person, the bottomline is that it is better to think well than think ill.
If you are able to turn all feelings of frustration, annoyance and utter dislike for another person into good, healthy, optimistic vibes, it’s a great start to your own personal growth. It will not be an easy task, but remember these tips and you might be able to make a friend out of an enemy.
5 Tips On Self-Motivation For Effective Personal Transformation
Growing as a person requires us to adopt healthier habits, drop old ones and change ourselves to be more efficient, effective and healthy individuals. But old habits die hard, and new ones don’t stick so easily. Here are 5 tips on how you can keep yourself motivated while on your journey of personal growth.
1. Break-it-down!
Dreaming is okay… and it’s all right if you want to dream really, really big. But breaking down that huge goal into small and easy-to-achieve increments can actually help you get there in the long run. When you walk a long and unplanned route without rest stops, it is so much easier to deviate or consider giving into those voices in your head.
2. Reward yourself
It does not sound very constructive to celebrate even before you've reached your destination. But all these little steps are actually taking you there! So celebrate, even for the smallest of your victories. Set specific rewards for small and big achievements and make sure not to scrimp on your happiness and glee each time you meet one of them. You’ll find that enjoying these processes along the way boost your morale and determination to reach that final destination.
3. One at a time
Remaining focused is crucial. Most of us try to overhaul our lives in a week… and find ourselves backsliding in mere days! Few major overhauls work… instead, they dilute your attention. So drop any other plans, and focus on the one that matters the most right now. To change, you've got to do what you need to do, and set a reasonable timeline for it. This helps you create new habits effectively and lowers the chances of you regressing.
4. Immerse yourself
Read up on it, listen to audios, watch videos, go for seminars, talk to your friends — immerse yourself in whatever you want to achieve. Not only does it help in keeping you focused for the end goal, it also educates you on your path, your mission and what you need to do to get you there. Most importantly, being able to relate to people with a similar journey provides you with a support system that will help keep you in check and motivate you when times get tough.
5. See it, to believe it.
Most individuals are visual creatures. Seeing it only in our minds, or in words on paper is often much less effective as motivators compared to actually seeing a visual of our goals. Get a cork board and place all your goals on them in picture form, or short reminder words that can help you stay on track. Place this board where you will see it, and see it often – whether it’s in your study, the wall across from your bed or at your workplace. Or better yet, go digital and make this vision board your desktop wallpaper. Personal growth is so much more enjoyable and effective when you can actively envision your goals and their rewards on a daily basis without too much hassle.
5 Tips On Self-Motivation For Effective Personal Transformation
Growing as a person requires us to adopt healthier habits, drop old ones and change ourselves to be more efficient, effective and healthy individuals. But old habits die hard, and new ones don’t stick so easily. Here are 5 tips on how you can keep yourself motivated while on your journey of personal growth.
1. Break-it-down!
Dreaming is good… and it’s all right if you want to dream really, really big. But breaking down that huge goal into small and easy-to-achieve increments can actually help you get there in the long run. When you walk a long and unplanned route without rest stops, it is so much easier to deviate or consider giving into those voices in your head.
2. Reward yourself
It sounds counter-beneficial, rewarding yourself before you've even reached your destination. But all these little steps are actually taking you there! So celebrate, even for the smallest of your victories. Set specific rewards for small and big achievements and make sure not to scrimp on your happiness and glee each time you meet one of them. You’ll find that enjoying these processes along the way boost your morale and determination to reach that final destination.
3. One at a time
It is crucial to remain focused. Most of us try to overhaul our lives in a week… and find ourselves reverting to old ways in mere days! Major overhauls rarely ever work and often dilute your focus. So drop nonessential plans, and focus on the one that matters the most right now. Do everything you have to do to make that change, and set a reasonable timeline - whether it's 30 days or 60 days. This helps you create new habits effectively and lowers the chances of you reverting to old ways.
4. Immerse yourself
Read up on it, listen to audios, watch videos, go for seminars, talk to your friends — immerse yourself in whatever you want to achieve. Not only does it help in keeping you focused for the end goal, it also educates you on your path, your mission and what you need to do to get you there. Most importantly, being able to relate to people with a similar journey provides you with a support system that will help keep you in check and motivate you when times get tough.
5. See it, to believe it.
Most of us are highly visual. Seeing it only in our minds, or in words on paper is much less effective in actually seeing a physical picture of our goals. Get a cork board and place all your goals on them in picture form, or short reminder words that can help you stay on track. Place this board where you will see it, and see it often – whether it’s in your study, the wall across from your bed or at your workplace. Or even better, digitize it and make it your desktop wallpaper. Personal growth is so much more enjoyable and effective when you can actively envision your goals and their rewards on a daily basis without too much hassle.
The 5 Secrets of Self-Motivation
I’m a generally motivated person myself, but there are days when I feel less inclined to pursue my goals. What I’ve noticed is that when that one less-motivated-day begins, it tends to drag on a couple of days, sometimes weeks, affecting my personal growth. Here are 5 easy ways to motivate yourself and get back on your personal growth track!
1. Identify your motivators
Is it that swanky new house? That promotion or pay rise you are dying for? Sit down and make a list of everything you want to achieve and don't be afraid to dream big. If you’re unable to come up with that list, don’t worry. Try this out. Sit down, close your eyes, and fully relax your body. Visualize what would make you really happy. It does not have to be material or physical. It could be a smile on your parents’ face or spending more time with your partner. Imagine it, feel it, and write it down.
2. Keep it in sight
The problem with lists is that we often forget them.. and we're just a little too lazy to read through a list every day. So what you can do with that list is to make it easier for you to visualize your motivators. Want to save up for a vacation in Cancun? Get on Google and search for the most beautiful photo of the place you can find and tack it up on a wall or surface you see everyday. Do the same for everything on that list. Whether it’s in the form of a number, a few quick words, or a photo — put it somewhere you can see, and see often. You will find that it's more stimulating than staring at a list of words everyday.
3. Celebrate your achievements
Remember to celebrate each time you achieve a goal. It doesn’t matter if it was a small one, or a big one. Celebrating your achievements regardless of their size and impact leaves you with feel-good, positive feelings that positively reinforce yourself, making it easier for you to continue motivating yourself each time!
4. Mix with the right people
Your mom was right, she just wasn’t specific enough. Choose your friends wisely. Our time is precious. Be selective and spend it with like-minded individuals. If you’re looking for more motivation, hang out with motivated people. It’s infectious and soon, you will find yourself thinking like them too. What's more preferable is if you select friends who are not only internally motivated but extremely positive and happy individuals. Take them out for lunch, have a chat, party with them, invite them over for drinks — you are who you hang out with.
5. Share the love
Lastly, motivate others. You’ll find that sharing motivation is extremely helpful as it can provide you with the inspiration to stay motivated. That, and verbalizing motivation actually works both ways and you'll find that you're re-motivating yourself.
Flex those self-motivation muscles and put these tips to practice. You’ll find that once you get yourself surrounded with motivating factors, it’s more difficult to be derailed and your journey of personal growth becomes smoother!
If You Can Dream It, You Can Build It
When I founded MotivationToMove.com, I did it largely based on the simple concept that when we control of our thoughts, we not only change our body, we change our entire life!
As a guy who lives in Orlando, I spend a lot of time at Disney World, where one of my favorite Walt Disney quotes, “If you can dream it, you can build it”, is played out in living color. What a dreamer; what a builder!
Still, if you have ever wanted something different in your life, have you noticed your mind doesn’t always get the memo?
What’s going on has everything to do with your Mindset – because no matter what you might be thinking – you are thinking something.
Your Mindset is simply the sum total of all your beliefs, values, identity, expectations, attitudes, habits, decisions, opinions, and thought patterns about yourself, others, and how life works.
Can you see the beginnings of a problem?
For all of us, our Mindsets are handed down from our families, society, religious authorities, and teachers, and we live them automatically. The good news is, we can change our thoughts and Mindsets to attract more of whatever it is we want.
To do that, we only need to recognize that your Mindset is composed of body, conscious mind, and unconscious mind – with the conscious mind giving the order, and the unconscious mind carrying it though the body. To change to a new Mindset and choose a new life path is as simple as creating a clear mental picture of your new Mindset.
I know, you’ve heard that before… but here’s how to make it work.
Once you have the clear picture of what you want, give 100% of your attention and energy to your new thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. Always be thinking about your new Mindset – every minute of every single day. And I mean always!
When you focus your thoughts on what you want, the old Mindset will slowly wither and die, replaced by exactly what you are thinking – so make sure you are thinking about what you really want in our life!
Effectively Conquer All Obstacles With These 4 Tips
Everyone faces their own set of challenges each day, and overcoming these obstacles is part and parcel of personal growth. Occasionally, we fail. But, we just don't realize how often we do win. We just don't realize how persevering and how strong the human spirit really is. So when we are faced with a challenge, we are suddenly overcome by self-doubt, reflection of failures, frustration and immobility. Here are 4 tips to help you deal with the immense negative energy we often associate with challenges
1. Fear is merely an anticipation.
It never really is as bad as you think they are. Take immediate action and face those fears. Start with the smaller ones since resolving and facing them can give you a sense of achievement which will provide you with the courage to face the larger ones.
2. The present is a gift.
Personal growth is about looking forward and moving into the future. The past is a closed door and time is a one-way route. It doesn't hurt to look back on fond memories, but do turn a blind eye to the nasty ones. In place of that, appreciate and learn from your past while you celebrate your future. It’s going to happen with or without you.
3. Let your hair down
There are things you can control, and even more things you can’t. It’s futile to stress yourself out over the need to control a situation. Life, like time, is a one-way route and it doesn’t wait for you to control a situation before it gets up and going. So have fun, and don't take things (especially yourself) too seriously. Few people enjoy the company of the gloomy, stiff and negative. So loosen up, enjoy yourself and laugh your hearts out.
4. Be firm.
Most people often find themselves in situations where they feel cornered and forced to select an option they would not otherwise choose. You have to be assertive about expressing your feelings, opinions and needs without compromising the rights of others. Always remember that it is your right to express your feelings and opinions… and that it is others' right to accept or reject them. Saying "No" to arbitrary requests is the first step to building your confidence. Not only does it save us the hassle of complying in silence, but it also prevents negative feelings of isolation, frustration and accusation.
Self esteem and confidence are crucial components in the personal growth of every individual. These 4 tips will help you rapidly build your confidence so practice and be constantly aware!
Personal Growth Miracles
I would say I’ve reached adulthood, matured, have reached the peak of my physical height. I’ve graduated university, have a steady job, and I think even my hair has grown long enough. Sounds like I’m all grown-up!
Except for one thing. What about my personal growth? If I had to compare it to human years, I think it’d still be a teenager. Okay, maybe a preteen.
Personal growth conjures up so many images. I know for me, my first thought was of a fat guy eating ice cream in the self-help section. I know, it’s a bit exaggerated but you get the point. The stigma surrounding personal development hasn’t always been the best.
But like many stereotypes, the reputation of personal growth has been a false one. It definitely has been for me. So how does a business school graduate go from a greedy money grubbing diva to a personal development junkie?
Well after working a crappy job at an oil company I realized I did not want to spend the rest of my life doing this. And for what? Money? Yes…
But what was that money going to get me? I thought about it for a while and it occurred to me that I have no idea what I would do with that money or what I wanted in life.
So, doing a complete 180, I said screw this, I’m not going to be miserable sitting on a pile of cash anymore. I left the world of finance and moved from comfortable Canada to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I had no idea what I would be doing, but as luck or fate would have it, I ended up working at a company in the personal growth field.
Talk about irony. But it was just what I needed. I went through a personal growth spurt immediately. I discovered some great minds like Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Dale Carnegie, and Deepak Chopra.
In essence, I learnt how to grow personally, spiritually, and emotionally, which unfortunately is not something they like to teach at school. Up until my big move overseas, all my answers to life, what I wanted, who I was, and where I wanted to be were so feeble and flimsy.
Now I see life differently. I’ve reevaluated my goals and who I want to be. Instead of focusing on X amount of money, I focus on what I want and how am I going to get it. Back in university, I used to dream of lying in the sun, sipping on ice tea, while reading a book by the pool. And my only path to that dream was to get a good job, make lots of money, then retire. But in doing that I lost sight of what I truly wanted. Since my dream was to lie in the sun, I realized I already accomplished that by moving to Malaysia. I didn’t need the money and I sure as hell didn’t need to retire. I’m lying by the pool and I still look good in a bikini.
While I’m by no means even close to hitting enlightenment or anything like that, I’m a little closer to it than I was a few years back.
The beauty of personal growth is that you don’t have to spend a lot of money or do something drastic like fly halfway round the world. It starts with you, your attitude, and your willingness to open yourself up to countless opportunities and ideas. Words on a page mean nothing unless you unlock your mind and let yourself be just a little bit vulnerable.